Looking back on my own journey after being sexually assaulted as a teen to now, much has changed but not nearly enough. It is estimated that there are over 1,200 sexual assaults a day (450,000 a year) in the US and that number is probably very low since most, like me, do not report.
My perpetrator was my tennis coach. Most perpetrators are known to their victims and are very often person’s in a position of trust. Like many survivors, I did not tell a soul. I kept my assault to myself for 33 years. The first person I told was my husband, after 24 years of marriage. That is a long time to shut down a trauma. Not long after sharing my story with my husband, he asked me if during all those years of silence, did I have moments where I thought about it but kept quiet? I honestly didn’t think so. It is amazing how my brain, I guess, was protecting me. I really had filed it away and thrown away the key.
In 1973, the year I was assaulted, not much was known about trauma, at least compared to today. I had never heard of PTSD outside of the military. I didn’t know that, although I had disassociated from my own trauma, that it was still living inside me. And how many others are living with sexual and other traumas today and don’t realize how much it is affecting their lives?
I am determined to help others heal as early as possible and hopefully not wait as long as I did, although late is better than never.
But are we ready to listen to women and believe them? There is only one reason I kept quiet. I knew I wouldn’t be believed. I knew my coach would deny what happened. It has now been 51 years. A NYT journalist has written an article about my story and another player my coach assaulted 26yrs later, when she was playing college tennis. That article will publish in the next few weeks. And yes, when contacted, he denied he knew me.
The #Metoo movement has encouraged many to come forward. I believe I am a part of that push. It has been a positive life change and I encourage others to release the trauma buried in their brain. Therapy helped me see how many life choices were tied up in my trauma. It has defined my life’s journey in many ways. I would have never known that if I hadn’t chosen to come forward.
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